The Shogun of The Dark and The Art of Verbal Warfare










One thing the Shogun of the Dark has tried to teach me as of late is that modern humans rarely engage in battles of sword. The most often way that they engage each other is in battles of rhetoric.
However, I have very little understanding of this. In an attempt to better myself, I asked the Shogun if I may attempt to spout insults at him, after which, he may respond in kind. He agreed. I do not believe I did very well, seeing how I have very little previous knowledge of everyday language and customs.

I said unto the Shogun, "You are nothing more than a musty old Nigerian Sword!"

He replied: "And you are nothing more than a diesel powered-cosmic cheese trolley!"

I Said unto him, "You are like an awfully-weak ceramic egg!"

He replied: "You soul is like a fiendishly designed Austrian rabbit-hutch!"

I said unto him, "I would describe you at best as an excruciatingly-gnarled mahogony lampost!"

He replied, "Though you must realize, You are nothing more than a tubular cardboard pariscope."

I said unto him, " You are as insignificant as a neglected underwater Mongolian seismometer!"

He replied, "I could not describe any of your attributes as being superior to a cleverly-dehumidified Venezuelan Hamster!"

I said unto him, "You are a termite infested Albanian Peg-leg!"

He replied, "You are but a self-opening Elizabethan-era horse!"

I said unto him, "You are an excessively sticky Babylonian chair!"

He replied, " But you must realize that you are an illegally reinforced mylar lawnmower!"

I said unto him, " I will disrespect you in the same way that I would disrespect a miniature cast-iron snail"

He replied, "Your severly moronic tendancies are as baffling as a seven-dimensional persian rug!"

I said unto him, " I see you as nothing more than an upsettingly-demolished plastic tape-recorder"

He replied, "You have become quite an irritating little interplanetary crisp-packet!"

I said unto him, "You are a maggot ridden potassium woodlouse!"

He replied: "Youre an awfully-decayed Italian whiteboard marker!"

I said unto him, "The strength of your character is as questionable as a muddy mexican rope-bridge"

He replied: "The quality of your soul is less than that off an unexpectedly-dirty Tasmanian ocarina!"

I said unto him, "You are a substantially-battered Egyptian fiber-optic cable!"

He replied: "You are a grotesque papyrus clutch pencil!"

I said unto him, "You are a digitally-enhanced Victorian reptile!"

He replied, "I dismiss your insults in the same way that I dismiss the breeze from a remarkably-pleasant Hungarian fan!"

I said unto him, "Your idiocy is greater than that of a top-heavy carbon-fiber alligator!"

He replied, "I will disregard you in the same way that I disregard a semi-circular neolithic trowel!"

I said unto him, "You are as worthless as a mass produced flemish telegraph pole!"

He replied, "You are as worthless as a 1970's carelessly smashed up typewriter!"

This went on for quite some time. I dont think I am learning very much at all.