My attempt to educate myself about culture through Film Viewings

My First Attempt to Acquire Cultural Knowledge Through Film Viewings

Rodoslav informed me the other day that I am to ever have any hope of functioning in a normal working environment, then It is essential that I gain some kind of knowledge about American culture.

He said that this can be best achieved by watching what he called "films." I was confused at first, but it became more clear to me as to what they were when he brought out what he called his "television"

I was very frightened at first, but I soon realized that I had seen many of these devices before. I had encountered many of them in my endless wanderings through the center for the downtrodden masses, Wal-Mart. I had never paid much attention to them though. I always considered them to be devices for nothing more than distracting the store patrons from their horrid surroundings.

Rodoslov told me to remain in the domicile while he would go to purchase films for viewing at the Wal-Mart. In a short time, he returned with a collection of films.

As usual, I sat upon my pile of newspaper and straw, consuming much Natural Light. It was going to be more entertaining this time, however, as I made partake in glorious film viewings.

Film 1: Clockwork Orange

I enjoyed this film immensely. The plot revolves around a young man in a land far away. His greatest joy in life is ignoring all social customs of every sort. One of the particular activities that he engages in is drinking amphetamine laced milk, and then playing a game called "Hogs of the Road" I not sure what amphetamines are. I suppose I will have to ask Rodoslav. My best understanding is that it is a powerful form of milk that provides anyone who drinks it with great courage.
As for the game "Hogs of the Road", it seems to be the most fun activity that a human being could ever do. The purpose of the game is to drive in the lane designated for on-coming traffic at the highest speed that your vehicle is capable of attaining. It seems very dangerous, but do not worry. Those cars that you are bearing down on will ultimately make an attempt to avoid you. Why wouldn't they though? After all, you have drunk the milk of power, and they most probably have not. Despite the fact that on some occasions the other vehicles attempt to evade you will result in death, most of their evasion attempts are quite humorous.
Great film. If you have the means, I highly recommend attaining it for yourself.





Film 2: Friday

I found this movie rather strange, but I did get a good amount of enjoyment from it. The plot revolves around two young men that live in what is referred to as the "Ghetto" I'm not exactly sure what is the meaning of this "Ghetto," but I don't see what all the fuss is about. Their neighborhood, in my estimation, seems to be rather affluent. (at least compared to my home)
Early in the movie, one of the young men makes a declaration to the other man. "I know you don't smoke weed, I know this; but I'm going to get you high today, 'cause its Friday; you ain't got no job... and you ain't got shit to do"
Now, again, I'm not exactly sure what this "Weed" is, are what its effects are. I believe that it is an undesirable plant that grows out of sidewalks, but when harvested and treated, it has can be smoked. The smoking of weed produces a different number of effects. It does not seem to be that different than drinking a fair amount of Natty Lite. I need to get a hold of some "weed" for myself. It should not be that difficult to find. Maybe I will have success If I ask around the Wal-Mart.

Film 3: Saw

Rodoslav had told me that this is one of the most popular horror films in America. However, I just don't get what all the uproar is about. This movie is centered around the plight of a kidnapped man. He is chained to a wall in an undetermined location. He eventually concludes that he must saw his own leg off if he is ever to escape, of see his family again.

Let me remind you here that I have spent quite a bit of time in similar circumstances. It seems that the whimperings of the man in the movie are "laughable" at best. In fact, I would go so far as to describe him as a "Whiny Little Pussy"

First of all, The man in the film was confined in an illuminated room. As for myself, I had no understanding of the concept of light, or sight, until recently. At least he had objects to look at for stimulation. I had nothing to distract me from the endless horrifying images that were produced by my own mind.

Secondly, The man in the film did in fact had the option to free himself with a saw. Why didn't anyone ever bother to give me a saw? seems like luxury if you ask me.

Furthermore, even if I did have a saw, It wouldn't do me any good. My body is impervious to most forms of physical damage. The only ones who ever knew how to harm me were my captors. They were quite good at it, I can tell you. One of their favorite methods of torture was too slowly open my chest cavity with precision tools. After that, they would put on gloves and rip out various organs. Heck, sometimes they would remove entire organ systems. Of course, I would always regenerate. Sometimes they would repeat this procedure on a daily basis.

I just don't see why anyone would even bother to watch that piece of shit movie to begin with. Isn't that something that happens to just about everybody?

Film 4: Home alone

I had mixed feelings about this one. I did enjoy how the family of the child purposefully abandoned him to teach him a lesson. Seems to be rather effective if you ask me.

I did not like the part about how the child attempted to thwart the intruders. If he was so intelligent, then why was he not able to rig more effective traps? Not a single one of his devices caused a fatality. Now that I think about it, I don't think there was any spilling of blood at all.

Come on! I'm sure his family had acquired a good number of weapons over time. After all, they seemed to be a wealthy enough family unit. The child would not have even had to use the weapons himself. All he had to do was rig a booby trap using the front door and the twelve gauge shotgun. With just a few simple strings and pulleys, the trap would have caused the shotgun to unleash a deadly wall of lead upon anyone who opened the front door. After all, why wouldn't they? You would leave the door unlocked. The trap wouldn't work if you didn't.

I will try to keep everyone informed as to the nature of my culture learnings through film viewings. Does anybody have any suggestions? Please let me know.