The Age of Hobo
As of late, I seem to have been doing some soul searching. After much pounding of fists on the wall, and after much breaking of cheap Winn-Dixie brand bottles of charcoal filtered vodka, I came upon an epiphany. I realized, for the first time, how I might attain the one and only thing that would ever make me happy.
I must make the population of Earth suffer as I have. Only then can I be like them. Rarely do they ever give any thought as to the true nature of the darkness lurking beneath the surface as they go about their pathetic lives. Only after bringing forth depravity that lies beneath their superficial existence will they know….
Well.. Shit. What exactly it is that I want them to know? Im not quite sure myself. Of course, If I did know, then I probably wouldn’t be such a goddam hobo.
Regardless, I am going to go forth with my dark agenda. I have dissected the plan into two easy steps.
1. Become president of the United States
2. Unleash my dark agenda
Yes, very diabolical, is it not? Of course, it is not as simple as it sounds. Unfortunately, the president of the United States is not some kind of all powerful despot who can execute any order at will.
In my conversations with the Shogun of the Dark, I have learned that the United States has something referred to as a “Balance of Power”
It agreed with him that it was rather bizarre, but, it is just the way that things are. It seems that the President, who is in charge of what is referred to as the “executive branch”, must take into consideration the desires of the other major government organs. These branches have the capability to remove the President from office, and, if necessary, terminate his life.
In order to circumvent this process, I have come up with an ingenous plan.
I will give the population what they want. In doing so, It will bring about their downfall. It has become clear to me that the people of Earth are a flaky bunch. What they really desire is actually not what they need at all. What I am going to reveal to you now is only a small part of my larger manifesto.
(Please keep in mind that the object of all the following ideas is to drastically lower the earths population, deplete all resources, and destroy all relics and shrines of every sort)
The Population Demands Oil. You must feed on their desire, exponentially increasing oil and gas production. When production is at its peak, you will fire bomb every single one of them
The population wants to further their own horribly misguided conception of the supernatural. You will build a seemingly endless assortment of temples of all kinds to appease the masses. In very small incremental steps, you will take steps to pervert their beliefs. In their confusion, you will construct a new false idol of epic proportions. By the time they realize what is happening, all of their gold will either be consumed or seized.
The Population wants to increase their understanding of outer space. You will do all you can do advance scientific research. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to them, you are working on a new weapon of incomprehensible destructive power. You will use this to destroy the moon. Chaos will reign supreme
This are just the first few points of my ongoing manifesto. If anybody else has any suggestions, shoot me an e-mail! :D
As of late, I seem to have been doing some soul searching. After much pounding of fists on the wall, and after much breaking of cheap Winn-Dixie brand bottles of charcoal filtered vodka, I came upon an epiphany. I realized, for the first time, how I might attain the one and only thing that would ever make me happy.
I must make the population of Earth suffer as I have. Only then can I be like them. Rarely do they ever give any thought as to the true nature of the darkness lurking beneath the surface as they go about their pathetic lives. Only after bringing forth depravity that lies beneath their superficial existence will they know….
Well.. Shit. What exactly it is that I want them to know? Im not quite sure myself. Of course, If I did know, then I probably wouldn’t be such a goddam hobo.
Regardless, I am going to go forth with my dark agenda. I have dissected the plan into two easy steps.
1. Become president of the United States
2. Unleash my dark agenda
Yes, very diabolical, is it not? Of course, it is not as simple as it sounds. Unfortunately, the president of the United States is not some kind of all powerful despot who can execute any order at will.
In my conversations with the Shogun of the Dark, I have learned that the United States has something referred to as a “Balance of Power”
It agreed with him that it was rather bizarre, but, it is just the way that things are. It seems that the President, who is in charge of what is referred to as the “executive branch”, must take into consideration the desires of the other major government organs. These branches have the capability to remove the President from office, and, if necessary, terminate his life.
In order to circumvent this process, I have come up with an ingenous plan.
I will give the population what they want. In doing so, It will bring about their downfall. It has become clear to me that the people of Earth are a flaky bunch. What they really desire is actually not what they need at all. What I am going to reveal to you now is only a small part of my larger manifesto.
(Please keep in mind that the object of all the following ideas is to drastically lower the earths population, deplete all resources, and destroy all relics and shrines of every sort)
The Population Demands Oil. You must feed on their desire, exponentially increasing oil and gas production. When production is at its peak, you will fire bomb every single one of them
The population wants to further their own horribly misguided conception of the supernatural. You will build a seemingly endless assortment of temples of all kinds to appease the masses. In very small incremental steps, you will take steps to pervert their beliefs. In their confusion, you will construct a new false idol of epic proportions. By the time they realize what is happening, all of their gold will either be consumed or seized.
The Population wants to increase their understanding of outer space. You will do all you can do advance scientific research. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to them, you are working on a new weapon of incomprehensible destructive power. You will use this to destroy the moon. Chaos will reign supreme
This are just the first few points of my ongoing manifesto. If anybody else has any suggestions, shoot me an e-mail! :D
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