Friday, March 5, 2010

The Quest For Enlightenment



I have had about all the film viewings I could stand for one day. Five consecutive meaningless movies will do that to you. I decided that It might be best if I somehow continued my life.


I was not sure what to do. For the first time, I had sensed a form of emptiness. Though I drank quite a bit of Natural Lite, and read many Garfield comics, it did not seem to help. In a way, I started to feel as depraved and perplexed of the cartoon characters that I had laughed at for so long.


It seemed to be a good time to pay a visit to the Shogun of the Dark. He seems to be quite skilled at offering guidance. I would actually go so far to say that he took great pleasure in offering guidance, guidance which was not usually requested. Supposedly, that is what Shoguns have been known to do, historically.


Upon meeting the Shogun, I told him of my dilemma, of the strange uneasiness that I was not accustomed to. I went on to say that I was not experiencing fear; it was more of a yearning for a greater sense being. Though I had been sleeping more easily, I was not as convinced as how I might go about living. Many of my activities as of late seemed to cause me to hear a strange echo, so to speak. It was if a hollow voice has been saying "fool" as I go about my business.


Of course, I did tell him about my perceived enlightenment. Though I most assuredly have not attained awakening, there was something... different. When I took a walk in my neighborhood that day, I had achieved something that was very unusual for me. Somehow, I had attained a more peaceful mind. Of course, it was never my intention to do so. I always took great pride in how much rage I could produce. You see, anger is a much more useful emotion than despair. It was my primary driving force for many years.


Upon hearing this, The Shogun just looked at me for a time. I returned his glance, looking deep into his bloodshot eyes. Very strange. Though most humans would describe this as an awkward moment, I did not feel that way. After a few minutes, he brandished a bottle of modestly-priced charcoal-filtered vodka, holding it in my direction. It seemed that he wanted me to drink.


Though my first reaction was to reach for it, I was somehow able to stop myself. It did not seem that would be the best course of action at this point in time.


After he saw that I refused, the Shogun of the Dark put the bottle away. It was at this point when he began to speak...


"Rob, it appears that you are in need of a Zen master. The time is right, as you have proven to us both that you have a need and a desire for an awakening. Unfortunately, I cannot be the one to help you. You see, that which you need to escape is too deeply rooted within my being. Mine is the path of anger, vengeance, drinking, and power. especially drinking... You must seek another.
Do not fear, however. I know of such a man. To find him, go to the place where a multitude of greasy food is sold at a low price. If you go there, he will find you... "


Upon finishing speaking, the Shogun got into his very large diesel powered Ford F-250. He powered up the truck, and revved up the engine as powerfully as he could. Then, he left his driveway, and began to zig-zag down the block. In doing so, he crushed many mailboxes and lawn ornaments, much to the horror of the others in the neighborhood.

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